I sat down this morning with my cup of coffee, getting ready to start my journalling and prayer time. I have all my stuff set out, my journal, my bible, my pen, my coffee...you see a controlled environment. Then I begin thinking about all the things I need to do to help my family, my career, my business...I bow my head and say "Ok, God this is what we need to do!!!"
The audacity!!! I lifted my head up and was like "what in the world?"
Who am I to tell him what we need to do???!!!...like this is a committee meeting.
At the moment, I am in warp speed trying to keep my studio afloat, my career in check, make sure that I spend as much time with my littles (all 7 of my grandbabies) as I can, spend time with my husband, take care of my house, help my youngest finish his college education as well as follow him around the southeast in his last year of college football and so much more I can't think of right now.
First and foremost, I am blessed beyone measure with family and friends, and the place I get to call home. I am not complaining at all. I actually kind of like the chaos a little--I can't be lazy if I am always doing, I can't be selfish if I am always helping, but I can get super tired and overwhelmed if I don't get the best advice from the best source-my God.
Please understand, I am new everday in my faith. I fight against it like nobody's business. I try to talk myself out of it. I question. Is that true? Did that really happen? I don't like this about myself. I pray for the eyes of a child to see like they do. They believe and trust so easily. As an adult it is so hard to let down the barriers and just believe in all the things Christianity. It is so hard. But my eyes are opened more and more everyday as I watch the faith that others have, I go to small group every opportunity, I spend time with my grands (there are no people on the planet closer to Jesus than children-this I know!)
With all of that said, I slip up everyday. Then, everyday is a fresh start. The whole point of my writing this is to let you know that you are not alone in the struggle. If we focus on all the good, don't dwell on the bad-recognize it and pray over it, and lift our eyes to Him-and quit trying to boss Him around- believe like a child, and realize that we are not the boss of Him, all things will be better.
And this is a reminder to myself to let go and let God. I am not the boss, I am an assistant manager.
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